30 Questions for Couples Preparing to Get Married
A few weeks ago I moderated a discussion of informed minds
on the topic of moving from #relationships to #marriage. We discussed
specifically on some of the salient issues that lead to failed #marriages and
broken homes. In other to define our direction of discussion clearly, we asked
the question, ‘What are those things
that people tend see very clearly in marriages but never saw them when they
were in relationships?’. It would have been a very tremendous work to
compile every single contribution that was made in those two sessions by these
very wonderful individuals, which I am sure, will benefit you immensely.
Unfortunately, I am unable to recall every one of those contributions.
But I’m going to
share with you now, some very interesting and important questions, that when sincerely
answered will give you a clear answer to the above question, give you an
insight and make you benefit in our discussions, and enable you avoid the
mistake of being blind folded in relationships.
You would surely want
to discuss these with your partner, but rather than get confrontational, it
will be best to carefully build them into your conversations, and that way
he/she doesn’t feel you are trying to find reasons to quit or stay in the
relationship.
Ideology
1.
Would marriage change the way you see or
perceive your partner? Would getting married change your relationship with each
other?
Family
2.
What family values do you cherish from each
other’s family? Which do you detest? And which are you willing to take into
your new family?
3.
What do you like about your parents, siblings,
and friends?
4. Are you going to have children? How many and at
what intervals? What family planning methods do you know about and which are
you agreeing to adopt? How long should you be married before having kids?
5.
What plans do you have for raising your kids? In
terms of education and general care at different stages in their growth, saving
up finances for those, life style, inculcating family values etc.
6.
What would you do if you cannot have kids?
Between You
7. Are you able to make decisions together? Would
you rely on decisions made by your partner alone?
8. Are there issues in your relationship that you
need to tackle before thinking progressively?
9.
Do you think you listen to him/her well? Does he/she
think the same way? Do you think he/she listens to you well? Does he/she think
the same way?
10.
Are you going to do everything together?
11.
Have you discussed the issues of supremacy and
equality? To what extent should the superior be superior?
12.
What are your likes and dislikes about your
friends and friendship style?
Finances
13.
Are you indebted to anyone or group? Have you
told him/her? Is he/she indebted to anyone or group? Are you aware?
14.
Is he/she financially stable? Can you cope with
that? Have you agreed on planning your finances? How much you earn, what
proportion to save, invest, utilize. How will you pay bills, manage accounts,
and handle large purchases?
15.
How would you handle unemployment? What skills
do you lack or have that will be valuable if you lose your current jobs?
Sexuality and Health
16. Should you talk about sex? What are your
expectations of your sexual relationship?
17. Have you discussed your sexual health? What do
you know about his/her sexual experience? You may have everything it takes to
make a great couple, but if you lack chemistry, it’s dangerous. It is important
to discuss how to make that work for you both, off course without necessarily
offending morality.
18. How much do you know about his/her physical and
mental health history? How much of yours does he/she know?
Living and Career
19. What life goals for career, family, or other
personal successes do you and your partner share? What goals are different? How
would you work through these differences? How will you help each other reach
your goals?
20. Where are you going to live? And why do you want
to live there? Is it best for both of you?
21. Will you be willing to seek professional
assistance in your emotional and/or related issues?
22. Are you of different religious orientation? Does
it matter for you? If it is a serious issues for either of you (or both of you),
are you able to handle it? Will one of you change religions? Is it okay with
you both if you’re not of the same religious orientation? What about how you’ll
raise your kids?
Funny but Serious
23.
What is your partner’s middle name, nickname, or
pet name?
24.
Would you
have a room for little quarrels or a zero tolerance for quarrels?
25.
If you have decided that you have found the one
and only, expect surprises- Do you need to build a shock-absorber? I would say YES!
Life
won’t always be as blissful as it is today. There will be hard days, whether
self-induced or life-induced. Life brings changes and those times have the
ability to catch even the best marriages off guard if not prepared for them. We
can never be fully prepared for what might come, but we can prepare ourselves
that when something comes, whatever it is and no matter how hard it is, that we
will handle it.
26.
Have you been married before?
27.
Are there some things you are not prepared to
give-up in the marriage?
28.
Are you in contact with your old
boyfriends/girlfriends? I mean your Ex. Is your partner aware? Does that matter?
29.
When are you getting married?
Others
30.
Are you going to have models? Who are they? Marriage counselling expert Ron Edmondson has this to say, ‘I encourage couples to
find a couple whose marriage they admire and follow them closely. Most likely
they have some stories to share. Things may not have been as wonderful
throughout their marriage as they are today. No doubt they have learned some
practices to having a strong marriage. I challenge couples to learn all they
can from the couple they want to be like’.
Thank you for finding time to read this article on 30 Questions for Couples Preparing to Get Married. I hope you
were inspired.
You might also want to read my other articles on the
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