Become Successful: The 8 Behaviours You Must Avoid
Success is
a guarantee when quality behaviours are continuously practiced by individuals until
they become habits. In the last three years, I’ve taken some time out of my
tight schedules to study the lives and times of amazingly successful people; professionals
and entrepreneurs. I was provoked to do this after watching one of Brian Tracy’s
videos on YouTube, where he said something about people who want to be
successful copying what successful people in their field have done or are doing.
By the
way, by “success” here I do not mean some objective measures of outer wealth, accomplishment
or achievement. Rather, I mean achieving
your most important goal, what matters most to you; individually, in your
career, your corporate social commitment etc.
By interactions
and careful observation, I have discovered people who discipline themselves and
live fully on their own terms (in their thinking, reacting, interrelating, manner
of solving problems and leading), and I note that these men and women are occupy
positions of trust, take up responsibilities and achieve tremendous success
over time.
I have
also come across people who live their lives as it pleases the day. They surrender
themselves to their circumstances, and simply follow routine, the easy way out.
These people are so common to find because they are everywhere and they
literarily ‘struggle’ but make very little progress in life. And I began to
understand and ask the questions that Brian Tracy asked himself many years ago
that led him to some vital answers.
One shocking
but remarkable truth you will discover if you too take time to study this, is
that the very same things that less
successful people continuously avoid doing, are the things that successful
people continuously and consistently do. You will also observe that successful
people love what they do and have not only engaged continuously in
life-supporting behaviours, but also have avoided certain negative actions and mind-sets
that other, less successful people habitually wine and dine with.
Here are 8
well-researched self-limiting, negative behaviours that successful people
avoid, by Kathy Caprino. You
just need to note them and carefully avoid them all the time.
Engaging
in “below the line” thinking
“Below
the line” thinking refers to a particular mind-set that shapes how you view the
world in a limiting way. It leads to your believing that what’s happening
to you is outside your control and everyone else’s fault – the economy, your
industry, your boss, your spouse, etc. Below the line thinking says,
“It’s not fair what’s happening, and I don’t have what it takes to overcome
these challenges. I didn’t expect this and I can’t handle it.” Above the
line thinking, on the other hand, says, “I clearly see the obstacles ahead, and
I’m addressing them with open eyes. I’m accountable for my life and my
career, and I have what it takes to navigate through this successfully.
If I fail, I’ll still wake up tomorrow exactly who I am, and will have learned
something critical.”
Mistaking
fantastical wishful thinking for action
Successful
professionals pursue outcomes that flow organically from their current actions.
Unsuccessful individuals attach to fantasies that may relieve them momentarily
of their situational pain but have no basis in reality. For instance,
I’ve heard from corporate professionals who share, “Kathy, I really hate my job
and desperately want to leave. I’ve been wanting to write a book and
become a motivational speaker for several years now. What’s your
advice?” I’ll respond, “OK, great. Are you writing and speaking?”
and more often than not, the answer will be, “Uh…no.” You can’t write a
book if you’re not writing anything, and you can’t speak in public if you
haven’t developed any material to speak about. It’s critical to
take bold action toward your visions, in order to create success.
Successful people develop huge goals too, but they crush them down into
smaller, digestible (but courageous) action steps that they then build on,
which leads naturally to the end goal they’re pursuing.
Remaining
powerless and speechless
Successful
people are in touch with their power, and are not afraid to use it and express
it. They advocate and negotiate strongly for themselves and for others,
and for what they care about, and don’t shy away from articulating just how
they stand apart from the competition. They know how they contribute uniquely
and the value they bring to the table. In addition, they don’t wait
to bring up concerns – they tackle challenges head on, speaking about them openly,
with calm, poise and grace. They don’t hide from their problems.
And they don’t perceive themselves as hapless victims.
Putting
off investing in themselves
I see
this behavior over and over in those who feel thwarted and unsuccessful – they
are incredibly reluctant to invest time, money and energy in themselves and
their own growth. They are comfortable only when putting other people’s
needs ahead of their own. They’ll make any excuse for why now is NOT the
time to invest in themselves or commit to change. They feel guilt, shame
and anxiety over claiming “I’m worth this.” Successful people don’t wait
– they spend money, time and effort on their own growth because they know
without doubt it will pay off – for themselves and everyone around them.
Resisting
change
Successful
people don’t break themselves against what is or drown in the changing
tides. They go with the flow. They follow the trends, and embrace
them. They are flexible, fluid and nimble. They react to what’s in
front of them, and improvise deftly. Those who are unsuccessful
bemoan what is appearing before them, and stay stuck in the past or in what
they “expected,” complaining about how life is not what it should be and why
what is feels so wrong.
Honoring
other people’s priorities over their own
Successful
people know what matters most to them – their priorities, values, concerns, and
their mission and purpose. They don’t float aimlessly on a sea of
possibility – they are masters of their own ship and know where they want to
head, and make bold moves in the direction of their dreams. To do this,
they are very clear about their top priorities in life and work, and won’t be
waylaid by the priorities and values of others. In short, they have very
well-defined boundaries, and know where they end and others begin. They
say “no” to endeavors and behaviors (and thinking) that will push them off
track. They know what they want to create and the legacy they want to
leave behind in this lifetime, and honor that each day.
Doubting
themselves and their instincts
Those who
doubt themselves, lack trust in their own gut or instincts, or second-guess
themselves continually find themselves far from where they want to be.
Successful professionals believe in themselves without fail. Sure, they
acknowledge they have “power gaps” or blind spots, and areas that need deep
development. But they forgive themselves for what they don’t know and the
mistakes they’ve made, and accept themselves. They keep going with hope
and optimism, knowing that the lessons from these missteps will serve them well
in the future.
Searching
for handouts and easy answers
I can
often tell from the first contact I have with someone if they’ll be likely to
succeed in their new entrepreneurial venture and career, or not. How? By
the nature of their expectations, and how they set out to fulfill them.
Here’s an example – if a complete stranger reaches out to me expecting free
help without considering what she may offer in return, it’s a bad sign.
Let’s say she asks something like this: “I’m launching my new business and
wondered if you can give me some advice. I can’t pay you because I’m a startup,
but I hope you can help me anyway.”
From this
one email, I know she’s not ready to make it happen in her own business.
Why? Because successful professionals (and those destined to be) wouldn’t
consider asking for help in this way. Instead, they: 1) understand that
they have something important and valuable to offer in any situation, 2) are
willing and happy to share or barter that in return for what they want, and 3)
they treat others exactly as they would like to be treated.
Successful
professionals are respectful, resourceful, curious, competent, tenacious, and
they figure out how to get the help they need without asking for
handouts. That doesn’t mean they don’t seek assistance when and where
they need it , or make use of the many free resources available to them. It means that they don’t expect something for nothing. They
treat others equitably and fairly and know they deserve the same.
Successful professionals realize that if they’re not willing to pay for
products and services they want, then others won’t be willing to pay them (yes,
it works like karma).
They also
know that their success is directly proportionate to the effort they put in.
Most of all, they understand there are no short cuts or easy answers
on the road to success.
Thank you
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